Filed under: books, musings and random thoughts | Tags: anger, goals, new tricks, old dogs, patience, self-help, temper, the four agreements
I blogged about The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz recently, after I finished reading the book. It was an insightful and inspiring read that made me want to change my outlook in life, to better myself, and to “try harder.” Since I’ve read it, I’ve tried to keep the four agreements in mind, and I constantly remind myself to try and live out these agreements:
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
4. Always Do Your Best
But, as I’ve suspected, it’s not that easy. I think the agreement that I am having the most difficulty with is #2: Don’t Take Anything Personally. The agreement says, “Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” I couldn’t agree more. I think that most people act the way they do because they are projecting their own reality; and we all have our own unique “realities.” Thus, the crazy world we live in. But I really am struggling with “not taking things personally.” And somehow, I am disappointed in me. I’ve realized that I take a lot of things personally. The best example would be my driving behavior. I am embarrassed to admit that I have road rage. The level of road rage would be directly proportional to my daily stress levels and female hormone levels. And this does not make me a very good person. 
I react and take things personally when other drivers cut me off abruptly, when they refuse to line up and cut into my lane in heavy traffic, or when they hog the road and slow traffic down because they are on their cellphones. It’s not like I go crazy-wild like Michael Douglas in Falling Down. I just curse (there goes agreement #1!) and give them dagger looks. But sometimes it almost feels like I am thisclose to losing it. And what for? What purpose does it serve me?
Earlier tonight there was this taxi driver who was flashing his brights and tailgating me on the narrow, one-lane stretch at the end of buendia that merges onto EDSA. Naturally I would slow down and stop at the end of the road to yield to the speeding southbound vehicles on EDSA. And mr. taxi driver honked at me when I did this. What did he want me to do? Kill myself? Just thinking about how irrational his actions were, makes me angry all over again. But the thing is, I had a choice. I had a choice not to be angry. I could’ve just laughed it off and felt sorry for him, and then moved on and forgotten the incident. I could’ve, but I didn’t. What they say about anger is true, it is really much more of a burden to the person who is feeling it. When you allow yourself to be angry, you only set yourself up for suffering. And I wish I weren’t as reactive as I am. I wish I didn’t have the need to prove that I am right when faced with situations like this. I wish I could just shrug things off easily and let go. So I guess that would be my ongoing prayer for myself: I want to be a kinder, gentler, more patient person. With God’s grace I know the “task” would seem less insurmountable.
Filed under: books | Tags: books, inspiration, self-help, the four agreements
I am trying to rediscover reading (more like trying to make time for it). I’ve almost forgotten how enriching reading the right book can be. I’ve just finished reading The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Here’s part of the blurb on the website: “Everything we do is based on agreements we have made - agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible. One single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that come from fear, deplete our energy, and diminish our self-worth.”
“The Four Agreements® offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness, and love. “
Some parts of the book tend to be too philosophical (read: boring) for my taste, but The Four Agreements can certainly make a difference, if we just try hard enough (I suspect they are easier said than done).
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
I am currently reading The Google Story by David A. Vise. It’s a fascinating peek into the lives of the creators of the phenomenal search engine that has changed the way the world looks for answers changed the world. Theirs is an awe-inspiring story – two great minds, two extraordinary individuals who knew exactly what they wanted and went for it. Makes me think of what else is out there…there is still so much that can be done, if only we can harness the power of our minds and look beyond the limits we have set for ourselves by deciding what can and can’t be done. The book’s first chapter talks about having “A Healthy Disregard for the Impossible.” It talks about how google came to be. Sergey Brin (one of the creators) reminds the reader about the importance of optimism, how we have to be “a little silly about the goals that we are going to set” and “try to do what most people would not.” I like how that sounds.
