the universe according to kitch

I blogged about The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz recently, after I finished reading the book. It was an insightful and inspiring read that made me want to change my outlook in life, to better myself, and to “try harder.” Since I’ve read it, I’ve tried to keep the four agreements in mind, and I constantly remind myself to try and live out these agreements:

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
4. Always Do Your Best

But, as I’ve suspected, it’s not that easy. I think the agreement that I am having the most difficulty with is #2: Don’t Take Anything Personally. The agreement says, “Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” I couldn’t agree more. I think that most people act the way they do because they are projecting their own reality; and we all have our own unique “realities.” Thus, the crazy world we live in. But I really am struggling with “not taking things personally.” And somehow, I am disappointed in me. I’ve realized that I take a lot of things personally. The best example would be my driving behavior. I am embarrassed to admit that I have road rage. The level of road rage would be directly proportional to my daily stress levels and female hormone levels. And this does not make me a very good person. I react and take things personally when other drivers cut me off abruptly, when they refuse to line up and cut into my lane in heavy traffic, or when they hog the road and slow traffic down because they are on their cellphones. It’s not like I go crazy-wild like Michael Douglas in Falling Down. I just curse (there goes agreement #1!) and give them dagger looks. But sometimes it almost feels like I am thisclose to losing it. And what for? What purpose does it serve me?

Earlier tonight there was this taxi driver who was flashing his brights and tailgating me on the narrow, one-lane stretch at the end of buendia that merges onto EDSA. Naturally I would slow down and stop at the end of the road to yield to the speeding southbound vehicles on EDSA. And mr. taxi driver honked at me when I did this. What did he want me to do? Kill myself? Just thinking about how irrational his actions were, makes me angry all over again. But the thing is, I had a choice. I had a choice not to be angry. I could’ve just laughed it off and felt sorry for him, and then moved on and forgotten the incident. I could’ve, but I didn’t. What they say about anger is true, it is really much more of a burden to the person who is feeling it. When you allow yourself to be angry, you only set yourself up for suffering. And I wish I weren’t as reactive as I am. I wish I didn’t have the need to prove that I am right when faced with situations like this. I wish I could just shrug things off easily and let go. So I guess that would be my ongoing prayer for myself: I want to be a kinder, gentler, more patient person. With God’s grace I know the “task” would seem less insurmountable.